Contradiction
by Firevega21
Summary: Let me be your world...Let me be your everything...Please...Please...And you shouldn't feel this good. Ryan introspective, dark themes, slash, RyanSeth.


Disclaimer: I do not own The OC. The closest thing I own to The OC is first season on DVD. Though I most certainly would not mind having posession over Mischa Barton or Adam Brody

Warnings: Out of character-ness, slight insanity-ishness, slash, implied rape-ish situations, weirdness.

Author's Notes: So this started out as a really sweet Ryan hearts Seth little thing which was mutilated by my twisted mind into creepy Ryan hearts Seth a little too much and tries to take advantage of him little thing. You've been warned.

* * *

**Contradiction  
**  
And you shouldn't smell this good  
Like rain and ashes and salt  
Because you've been working so hard  
To keep those tears from falling  
You should smell like guilt  
Like shame something forbidden  
Because that's what you are  
The scent of you shouldn't fill my head  
I shouldn't lay down on pillow dreams and smell you  
Because you haven't been there  
You haven't been lying beside me, every night  
Arms wrapped around me  
My face buried into the crook of your neck  
Inhaling the sweetness that gets embedded into my sheets  
But God…  
God, I wish you had been  
When I wake up in the middle of the night  
Panting and sweating and screaming out your name  
When I take deep breaths to try and get my heart to slow down  
I shouldn't be inhaling you  
I know, I know, it's just inside my head  
My mind playing tricks on me  
My senses working against me  
But it's just so _real  
_Like you were _there  
_Sometimes I can convince myself you were  
And you shouldn't be so beautiful  
Because beauty isn't something someone like you can possess  
You're all awkwardness and mismatched shirts and hair sticking out like a sore thumb  
Dark chocolate eyes  
That just bleeds pain  
Kind of like mud and hurt  
That's not beauty  
That's average, normal, so common and bland it hurts  
They should be below my radar  
You're skin is too pale  
With little blotches from the midday sun  
Your hair is that same mud/hurt/blood/pain brown as your eyes  
Curls and static and just kind of floating  
Probably thick and rough...  
Or maybe, just maybe, as soft as I know your skin is  
I would give anything to know  
The way your hair feels between my fingertips  
Smooth or rough or there at all  
It doesn't _matter  
_Because I would be touching you and…  
That's all that I can really think about, these days  
The way you would feel  
Because as much as you really shouldn't be  
You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen  
Because as much as I wish I could forget it  
I'm only human and it's only human nature to want to have beautiful things  
And you shouldn't be so innocent  
You've been put through so much  
So many bruises and cuts and scrapes left across your skin  
Your fucking perfect flawless skin  
You have so much pain etched into your face, your eyes  
Yeah, you're messed up  
Probably more scars than me  
But still  
You should be so much more jaded than you are  
You should be so bitter and untrusting and afraid of me  
I wish you were afraid of me  
I wish you wouldn't look at me like you would give the world for me  
You don't know how tempted I am to ask you to  
You shouldn't let them in  
You should be pushing them back and fighting like Hell to stay above water  
Yet you drown so easily  
So gracefully  
You should know so much  
You should understand pain and hate and loneliness so well  
Sometimes I don't think you ever fully comprehending that you were an abomination  
That no one else wanted you  
You didn't  
You were so caught up in your little world  
Full of pretending and hoping and sugar sweet daydreams  
You didn't even realize that I was the only one who ever reached out to you  
You just kept living  
Kind of like a child  
Waking up everyday, forgetting that they all pushed you that much harder  
Why can't you remember?  
Remember that I'm the only one who was ever there for you?  
Why do you have to be so fragile and good and filled with actual heart?  
Why can't you just be bitter?  
It would be so much easier if you could just push them away  
Like they did you  
Let me be your world  
Let me be your everything  
Please…  
Please…  
And you shouldn't feel this good  
When I touch you  
Letting my fingers graze yours for just a moment too long  
My eyes shouldn't flutter closed and my breath shouldn't hitch  
Your skin is so warm  
So hot, like fire and ice or maybe something in between  
How can you be this hot?  
When I touch you  
Gently, unsurely, every part of me shaking from the inside out  
I don't want to stop  
I just want to pull you closer and…  
My body molds just a little too perfectly against yours  
Like it's meant to be  
But that's not right  
Because this isn't right  
I know it  
But I can't stop it  
I don't _want _to  
Running my hands up and down your chest  
Your back  
Your arms  
It makes me feel like screaming  
Why is it this _good_?  
Skin against skin shouldn't make my mind shut down completely  
Shouldn't make me just give in to every animalistic instinct and desire  
But it does  
God, I just can't fight it anymore  
Your lips are so soft  
You taste kind of like tears  
Pull you against me and I can't breathe  
Don't wanna breathe  
Don't want oxygen or blood or life or anything  
I just want you  
The only two things I can hear right now is _you _and _now  
_And I shouldn't be giving in so easily  
I should fight this pull  
I should curl my fingers into will power like a razor blade  
Hold on until my flesh is pulled off inch by inch and still not let go  
Kick and punch and hit and hit  
Scream no and stop  
Kind of like you're doing now  
But I can't st-  
Don't, don't please  
Don't pull away  
Don't push away  
Please, don't ask me to stop  
Don't make me stop  
Oh God  
Baby, baby I can't  
And this shouldn't be so easy  
To slide my mouth from your neck to your ear  
Nipping soft flesh  
Moaning at the sheer _wrongness _of it all  
Telling you to just relax  
Calm down, baby  
It's all okay  
Everything is gonna be okay  
Just stop…  
Stop trying to push me away  
Whisper soft words of comfort  
My mind so fogged by how _right _this feels  
That I don't even realize what they are  
Come on, baby  
Why are you pretending this isn't what you want?  
I know it is  
I've seen the way you look at me, sometimes  
With this kind of love that's…  
That's…  
I can't explain it  
But I know it's there  
You want me  
You _need _me  
Why do you keep telling me you don't?  
Are you still in denial?  
Don't worry, baby  
I was too  
For so long I pretended that this isn't what I dreamed of  
It was some pretty face and a soft voice and curves  
It was the girl next door underneath me  
It was feminine breaths that whispered "I love you"  
But there's only so long that you can go on pretending that you don't need someone  
There was only so long I could keep myself from touching you  
Please, please, don't deny me this  
Stop trying to deny me this  
Damn it, baby, why are you still acting like this isn't what you want!  
Oh, don't…don't cry  
I'm sorry  
Didn't mean to yell  
It's just that…it's just…  
God, do you know how long I've been waiting for this?  
To hold you like this?  
To kiss you like this?  
To tell you I love you and own you like this?  
Too long…  
So, so long  
After all this time of waiting  
Of pretending  
Of clenching my jaw and closing my eyes and pretending that I don't want you  
You can't tell me no  
Because that isn't _fair  
_For you to hurt me over and over and just make me like this  
You can't not let me have this!  
Because it's mine!  
You're mine…  
You're _mine  
_And you shouldn't think otherwise  
And you shouldn't try to tell me otherwise  
And you shouldn't keep fighting  
And you shouldn't be pulling away  
And you shouldn't say no  
And you shouldn't let those tears fall  
And you shouldn't taste like sugar  
And you shouldn't not be wanting this  
And you shouldn't…  
And I shouldn't have…  
This shouldn't be like this!  
It shouldn't have been like that  
But I just wanted to make you understand it, baby  
You're a contradiction  
And you shouldn't be  
And somehow, you and me, together  
We're gonna find out how to make it all okay again  
But until then…  
Please, don't turn your back on me  
I know I hurt you  
I'm sorry  
I am  
But I had to  
I just had to touch you, feel you, keep you by my side  
And I know I shouldn't have pinned you down and taken something that didn't  
That you said didn't  
Belong to me  
And I'll make it up to you  
One day you'll look back and see that this was how it had to be  
Because you were afraid and I was out of control  
I just want to love you, baby  
And you shouldn't still be crying  
But I'll kiss away your pain  
If you could stop flinching  
And you shouldn't still be pushing  
So I wrap my arms around you  
Hold you until you can't move at all  
And you shouldn't keep your lips shut tight  
Why are you still trying not to let me in?  
I just press against you harder  
And you shouldn't keep saying you don't love me  
Because I know  
I see it  
You do  
Please…just let me believe you do  
And I shouldn't be such a contradiction

* * *

...right.

Seth: -whimpers-

Ryan: Erm...

Review?


End file.
